Words for Wednesday

Words for Wednesday

I never really cared what people thought of me. I have always been a free-spirit. I have danced to the beat of my own drum since I can remember and have expressed myself in many different ways- to which some might feel compelled to crawl bashfully into a cave. However, I own it. I’ve never been one to stop being me because of censorship or the fear of offending someone. but I also am very respectful and was raised to be so. I am honest (a bit too honest at times) and I appreciate it in return. I can’t tell you how many times I have had someone tell me that I am “too much” and that perhaps I need to be a bit more “reserved”.

On the flip side of “being too much”, I have always been a caring, passionate and spiritual person. I dive right in with my heart most of the time and I find myself engulfed with a benevolent manner. When I feel my life shifting or I find something that is encouraging, I want to share it with everyone I love! But as life would have it, there are some people whom you love that in fact don’t want to share in your enthusiasm.

A few years ago I started a group thread with some of my close friends and I would share with them some life epiphanies I had. I would share quotes, encouragement and thoughts from my heart. I did this every week on a Wednesday. I would eventually dub it Words for Wednesday. Personally, It was something that was born out of hurt. I needed to express something that I was dealing with and finding clarity in. My hope was that maybe if it helped me- it would help someone I loved. Words for Wednesday went on for awhile until some unforeseen issues arose in our girl tribe and I stopped sending them out. To be fair, I felt judged by some. To clarify, I felt as though some might have taken it the wrong way. Perhaps they thought I had all my shit together and that I needed to share what I thought everyone else needed to hear and do to have their shit put together too. To imply that maybe I was more “holier than thou”. That couldn’t have been farther from the truth. I believe that when you are on a journey- whatever it may be- sharing your truth to those you love can be very helpful. But, I was hurt when I was falsely accused and did what any hurt person would do- I backed the fuck up and stopped altogether. I thought about the likelihood of my “friend” being right. Was I truly being all the nasty things she said I was? I fell hard. I questioned everything I was and who I am. I had no good answer. Not a damned one. Because frankly, I know who I am. I know my heart. And anyone who truly knows me wouldn’t have to question it.

Recently I had one of my friends ask me why I stopped sending my Words for Wednesday. She had appreciated them and it had helped her through some rough times too. It was utter shock to me. Not only had it been over a year that I stopped sending them, but the fact that she actually looked forward to them and missed them made my heart ignite.

*Insert light bulb here*

Ahhhhh a moment of clarity!

I allowed myself to deny my own healing because of what one bad apple thought of me. And along the way, I denied the people who were actually seeing my sincerity for what it was by giving in to preconceived lies. I never really cared about what people thought of me, why was I doing it now? And at the expense of my own salvation? Ugh! Why do we, as humans, dwell on the one bad thing out of a hundred good ones? Fuck if I know. But I can say that I learned a lot about how to react in those moments and I shall carry on with just being me. Because in the end what is it all worth if you can’t be yourself?!

I am happy to say that Words for Wednesday will be making a jubilant return.

Life is short, make it sweet!

❤ AM

20 things to keep viruses away (and my impulsive thoughts)

20 things to keep viruses away (and my impulsive thoughts)

During this time of craziness in the world, there are a lot *and I mean A LOT* of people who have advice to give about how to protect yourself against viruses, including COVID-19, even if you never asked. It’s almost as if it’s coming outta their ass and they don’t have nearly enough toilet paper hoarded in their garage to contain it all. So, they inevitably go to social media and spew unwanted words all over your screen.

I get it. The uncontrollable need to express oneself in a time of uncertainty. The need to share what you may think is necessary for others to know or how you think others should be living (or not living). The opinions of others aren’t in short supply. And, that’s okay. You can choose to take their opinion with a grain of salt (and a shot of Tequila if you were me) or you can just keep scrolling. No one said you *had* to follow others opinions, nor do you have to even respond. There, however, comes a time when you are just overcome with lethargy and send an unsought, alcohol induced counterargument to a friends caring and benevolent advice.

I call this:

“20 things to keep viruses away (and my impulsive thoughts)”

1.) Get solid sleep each night (7-8 hours).
2.) Gargle warm salt water twice a day. It makes the mucosa at the back of your mouth less hospitable to viral visitors.
3.) Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day.
4.) If you have a humidifier use it properly (clean every day). Viruses have a harder time when ambient air has 40% humidity.
5.) Easy on the dehydrating things like too much coffee.
6.) Make foods with immune boosters—garlic, ginger, turmeric, parsley, thyme, sage, bone broth if omnivore.
7.) Elderberry syrup (I read the study on the blood of 12 people and how elderberry syrup applied directly to monocytes induced pro-inflammatory cytokine production. I don’t see this as evidence to not take this powerfully protective medicine).
8.) Increase the ZINC in your diet: chickpeas, almonds, cashews, lentils, chia seeds, pumpkin seeds, oatmeal.
9.) Eliminate all booze (it depresses the immune system).
10.) Don’t smoke (it comprises your respiratory system’s defenses).
11.) If you have underlying lung disease consider taking Ashwagandha for the next two months (not if pregnant).
12.) Get some good time outdoors each day, get the sun on your bare skin to activate Vitamin D.
13.) Express appreciation out loud to the earth who supports you and your loved ones who love you.
14. Sing out loud, expands lung capacity and the stimulation of the vagal nerve can calm your body’s overdrive from stress.
15.) Hold your kids close. They are awesome and won’t be small forever. Even as we are financially challenged, try to see this moment of them being close as a gift.
16.) Call your mom if you can and tell her you’re grateful for her.
17.) Check in on elders. Do their shopping for them so they don’t have to be in public.
18.) Limit gatherings and if you need to meet, keep it to small family size (6-8 people).
19.) Namaste. No hugs or Hi5.
20.) Wash Your Hands, Don’t Touch Your Face.

Those are all great things to do. Undoubtable some good advice. But, to be honest, I was on the tipping point of having one too many cocktails and licking the cheesey-powder off my fingers when I received her proposal. So, if you’re like me, you’d appreciate my response:

1.) Yeah. Okay. I’ll totally put that on my “to do” list. Oh wait, it’s been on there since I had my first kid… 13 years ago! That bitch hasn’t been checked off yet.
2.) Does licking salt before a shot of tequila count? *licks salt – shoots tequila* Yeah, that totally counts. I can totally feel the mucosa in the back of my mouth less hospitable to viral visitors. Boom! I am nailing this.
3.) Coors Light basically counts as water. I’m so hydrated. So, I’m golden there.
4.) My vagina radiates more humidity than 40%. So there’s that.
5.) Fuck you! Coffee is life. And I will punch you in the throat if you speak like that again.
6.) I hear sex is an immune booster too. But that ain’t on the fucking list now is it?! I am feeling like this list is a scam…
7/8.) Blah blah blah science shit. I had some chocolate covered almonds today. That totally counts. Check!
9.) Hahahahaha hahahahaha! Now I really know this is a scam. You know what depresses my immune system? You telling me to eliminate alcohol! You know I am stuck home with tiny versions of me, right?
10.) Marijuana reduces my stress. Stress causes my immune system to break down which causes heavy breathing and panic attacks. So this doesn’t even make sense to me. Seriously. Wtf. You call this “science”? *Do this with Dr. Evil air quotes*
11.) Ashwag..gggaaaah What? Wait I didn’t know there was going to be a fucking quiz on words that I have to Google. I don’t have time for that shit. But. Thank the lord Jesus I’m not pregnant! Let’s do a shot to that! (See number 2)
12.) Vitamin D, yeah that comes in pill form now sooooo….. down the hatch it goes chased by a rum n coke.
13.) EARTH and LOVED ONES! I appreciate you! Check!
14.) *Steals Disney Mic out of my 3 year-olds hand and belts out songs from Frozen II in a drunken karaoke stooper while said 3 year-old cries* You’re right, that did make me feel better. Oh and you said Vagal. Hehehe.
15.) Little shits. I love ’em… but can’t I fucking go poop in private?!!! *Screams and slams head against table*
16.) I called my mom. She wanted me to go to church with her via Zoom. I rolled my eyes. I invited her over for some stress-reducing throat-soothing medicine (see number 2). She said no. I told her that I loved her and that I was grateful for her anyway.
17.) I’ll shop for you for 50% of your TP? Fine, I’ll settle for some wipes? Kleenex? Adult diapers? Wine? Okay, that cough syrup in your cabinet that’s been expired since last year. Fuck! Wait, wanna watch my kids?
18.) I only know 6-8 people anyway. Wait, I’ll rephrase that… only 6-8 people are willing, without bribery, to hang out with me. I can be a bit much for most.
20.) Don’t forget the Shaka bruh!!!!


I am just as adequate

When I was growing up I wanted to be a thousand things. I wanted to be an actress, a model, a pediatrician, a child therapist, a teacher, a lawyer, a real estate broker, a writer… the list went on and on. My “what do you want to be when you grow up” was like my teenage boyfriend crush – different every week. I could never settle on something. I could never buckle down and focus on just one thing. I circled, around and around. Never satisfied with just one thing.

I look back now and just have to laugh.

I wanted to be so many different things that required me to go to school, to get a college degree, but I never had the “ummmph” to do any of it. Even though having a very good GPA in high school, I bombed my SAT’s. I’m pretty sure a 10-year-old could have done better than me. I wasn’t focused. I allowed myself to put it off… not really knowing that there was no such place as “I’ll do it better next time”. There wasn’t a next time and I was essentially setting myself up failure.

I was so wrapped up in my boyfriend and my plans to marry him that I forgot about reality. I forgot what It meant to be an individual and do something for me, something that I could support myself until the day I died. I failed at that miserably and relied, mostly, on other’s to help me out.

When I finally realized that I needed to focus on myself I had broken up with my fiance… In hopes to find the true me. HA! It definitely lead me to eventually find myself, but that would be after a lot of bad decisions (some good, but mostly bad), blackened out nights, near death experiences and 10 years later… but, those are different stories for a different day.

I never wanted to be more independent than I wanted to be in those next few months. I tried to get a hold of my life and do something for me so I went to a local community college and I have to say that I gave it damn good try! I wound up ending my 2nd semester and just never looked back. I have since come to realize that college isn’t for everyone and I am definitely one of those people!

It’s taken a lot for me to place myself on top and to know that I am just as valuable as those with a college degree. Even without a college degree, like most of my peers, I am just as adequate.

I often think about the little girl I was. The girl who always wanted to be something. The girl who dreamed that one day she’d be something amazing and she’d do something that she loved and she would never feel lesser. With every decision I never made was a decision in its self. I was a smart little girl.

I can happily say that each and every day I wake up, I am happy doing what I do. I don’t need a diploma on my wall to make me feel adequate. Everything I have gone through to find “me” has been challenging, but a challenge that I wouldn’t trade. Its allowed me to be more willing to put myself out there and fight head to head with those that merely have a piece of paper hanging on their wall.

A little girls dream can change. It can be something that she never realized she could do or be….



My View Pointe

I need some space.

Yes, I know I have that “other” space, but it just doesn’t allow me to be me anymore.

I need space where people don’t know me. I need space where I can say some shit.

Some REAL shit….

Shit without the judgment, without being criticized, without feeling like “Ya’all know me so i can’t write me some shit” shit.

So here I am. My View Pointe.