Frankly My Dear- 2020 isn’t over

Frankly My Dear- 2020 isn’t over


I sincerely don’t know where the last two weeks have gone. My days rolled into one another and I feel like it was just the Fourth Of July then I woke up this morning wondering what happened to the days that proceeded. Anyone else? I hope I am not alone in this galactic space travel. At least I didn’t wake up to the year 2050 to discover that I have been a frozen science experiment for an Under Ground Secret Organization that so happened to be linked to letting loose COVID-19 into the human world by a crazed bat that was infected with the virus and was “accidently” released and that I was one of the select few that they had taken for experimentation (because I’m smart of course)… I mean, it could have been worse. *writes down idea for blockbuster movie* Or did they already make that movie? Something about Resident Evil comes to mind….hmmmmm…..

I digress.

2020 was going to be my year. My families year. It was destined to be a breakthrough year of growth and change. It was a “fresh start” in a different state, a different life, and a promising new career. At 36 years old, I had finally felt like I was being an adult.

And then the shit storm happened.

And like the last two weeks, I feel like it was just St. Patrick’s Day and I just woke up and it’s 4 months later. I play back the last 4 months of my life and I can’t help but to think… “what the fuck just happened?”. 2020 was supposed to be my year! 2020 was supposed to be a year of triumphs and celebrations. But, here we are. Knee deep (or elbow deep) into one of the worst years to date. Can it just be the Holidays already? Can we take a vote on this? Christmas in July CAN ACTUALLY BE A THING PEOPLE!

I have had a lot on my plate with this new “normal” bullshit that I wasn’t expecting. And it’s gotten me pretty low. I bet you can relate. I’ve spent a lot of effort into forcing myself be positive, be happy, be grateful, be nice and patient. It’s been hard. I’ve found solace in reading meme’s and laughing about the most absurd things. I’ve found hope in taking risks and letting life happen. I’ve found that I can still make 2020 my bitch. Instead of remembering 2020 as the year that I lost my dream career; that I was pushed to the limits of trying to be a homeschool teacher; that I was irritable and cranky by having all my humans around me 24/7; that I couldn’t qualify for a new home loan; that I was trapped in limbo…
… we don’t have to remember 2020 that way- because frankly my dear, 2020 ain’t over yet!! (Said with ummmphh like Rhett Butler in Gone with the Wind *swoooon*) We still have time to make 2020 our bitch and do something amazing, regardless of how the world around us is spinning. I can still reach my goals. I can still set plans and leap for them. I can still crush it!

I want to remember 2020 as the year that I finally bought acreage out in the country for my future home; that I revamped my baking business; that I made it 15 years of marriage; that I became a more patient mom (still working on that one) and that in spite of the uncertainty 2020 brought- I stayed true to being me. I continue to have faith. I continue to push forward. I continue to trust that through the toughest pressure we can grow. It takes courage, a shit ton.

Who the hell knows how the next few months are going to go- and maybe I might just wake up a few months from now in a comatose state with Turkey hanging from my mouth- But I will continue to try to make the best of it all. I mean, can you really go anywhere else but up? And if there is a bigger shit storm coming, I packed my poncho bitch- BRING IT ON!

Life is short, make it sweet!

❤ AM

20 things to keep viruses away (and my impulsive thoughts)

20 things to keep viruses away (and my impulsive thoughts)

During this time of craziness in the world, there are a lot *and I mean A LOT* of people who have advice to give about how to protect yourself against viruses, including COVID-19, even if you never asked. It’s almost as if it’s coming outta their ass and they don’t have nearly enough toilet paper hoarded in their garage to contain it all. So, they inevitably go to social media and spew unwanted words all over your screen.

I get it. The uncontrollable need to express oneself in a time of uncertainty. The need to share what you may think is necessary for others to know or how you think others should be living (or not living). The opinions of others aren’t in short supply. And, that’s okay. You can choose to take their opinion with a grain of salt (and a shot of Tequila if you were me) or you can just keep scrolling. No one said you *had* to follow others opinions, nor do you have to even respond. There, however, comes a time when you are just overcome with lethargy and send an unsought, alcohol induced counterargument to a friends caring and benevolent advice.

I call this:

“20 things to keep viruses away (and my impulsive thoughts)”

1.) Get solid sleep each night (7-8 hours).
2.) Gargle warm salt water twice a day. It makes the mucosa at the back of your mouth less hospitable to viral visitors.
3.) Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day.
4.) If you have a humidifier use it properly (clean every day). Viruses have a harder time when ambient air has 40% humidity.
5.) Easy on the dehydrating things like too much coffee.
6.) Make foods with immune boosters—garlic, ginger, turmeric, parsley, thyme, sage, bone broth if omnivore.
7.) Elderberry syrup (I read the study on the blood of 12 people and how elderberry syrup applied directly to monocytes induced pro-inflammatory cytokine production. I don’t see this as evidence to not take this powerfully protective medicine).
8.) Increase the ZINC in your diet: chickpeas, almonds, cashews, lentils, chia seeds, pumpkin seeds, oatmeal.
9.) Eliminate all booze (it depresses the immune system).
10.) Don’t smoke (it comprises your respiratory system’s defenses).
11.) If you have underlying lung disease consider taking Ashwagandha for the next two months (not if pregnant).
12.) Get some good time outdoors each day, get the sun on your bare skin to activate Vitamin D.
13.) Express appreciation out loud to the earth who supports you and your loved ones who love you.
14. Sing out loud, expands lung capacity and the stimulation of the vagal nerve can calm your body’s overdrive from stress.
15.) Hold your kids close. They are awesome and won’t be small forever. Even as we are financially challenged, try to see this moment of them being close as a gift.
16.) Call your mom if you can and tell her you’re grateful for her.
17.) Check in on elders. Do their shopping for them so they don’t have to be in public.
18.) Limit gatherings and if you need to meet, keep it to small family size (6-8 people).
19.) Namaste. No hugs or Hi5.
20.) Wash Your Hands, Don’t Touch Your Face.

Those are all great things to do. Undoubtable some good advice. But, to be honest, I was on the tipping point of having one too many cocktails and licking the cheesey-powder off my fingers when I received her proposal. So, if you’re like me, you’d appreciate my response:

1.) Yeah. Okay. I’ll totally put that on my “to do” list. Oh wait, it’s been on there since I had my first kid… 13 years ago! That bitch hasn’t been checked off yet.
2.) Does licking salt before a shot of tequila count? *licks salt – shoots tequila* Yeah, that totally counts. I can totally feel the mucosa in the back of my mouth less hospitable to viral visitors. Boom! I am nailing this.
3.) Coors Light basically counts as water. I’m so hydrated. So, I’m golden there.
4.) My vagina radiates more humidity than 40%. So there’s that.
5.) Fuck you! Coffee is life. And I will punch you in the throat if you speak like that again.
6.) I hear sex is an immune booster too. But that ain’t on the fucking list now is it?! I am feeling like this list is a scam…
7/8.) Blah blah blah science shit. I had some chocolate covered almonds today. That totally counts. Check!
9.) Hahahahaha hahahahaha! Now I really know this is a scam. You know what depresses my immune system? You telling me to eliminate alcohol! You know I am stuck home with tiny versions of me, right?
10.) Marijuana reduces my stress. Stress causes my immune system to break down which causes heavy breathing and panic attacks. So this doesn’t even make sense to me. Seriously. Wtf. You call this “science”? *Do this with Dr. Evil air quotes*
11.) Ashwag..gggaaaah What? Wait I didn’t know there was going to be a fucking quiz on words that I have to Google. I don’t have time for that shit. But. Thank the lord Jesus I’m not pregnant! Let’s do a shot to that! (See number 2)
12.) Vitamin D, yeah that comes in pill form now sooooo….. down the hatch it goes chased by a rum n coke.
13.) EARTH and LOVED ONES! I appreciate you! Check!
14.) *Steals Disney Mic out of my 3 year-olds hand and belts out songs from Frozen II in a drunken karaoke stooper while said 3 year-old cries* You’re right, that did make me feel better. Oh and you said Vagal. Hehehe.
15.) Little shits. I love ’em… but can’t I fucking go poop in private?!!! *Screams and slams head against table*
16.) I called my mom. She wanted me to go to church with her via Zoom. I rolled my eyes. I invited her over for some stress-reducing throat-soothing medicine (see number 2). She said no. I told her that I loved her and that I was grateful for her anyway.
17.) I’ll shop for you for 50% of your TP? Fine, I’ll settle for some wipes? Kleenex? Adult diapers? Wine? Okay, that cough syrup in your cabinet that’s been expired since last year. Fuck! Wait, wanna watch my kids?
18.) I only know 6-8 people anyway. Wait, I’ll rephrase that… only 6-8 people are willing, without bribery, to hang out with me. I can be a bit much for most.
20.) Don’t forget the Shaka bruh!!!!